Hello Beloved SWERVER,
Adversity when harnessed, can be used to grow. It doesn't feel good, but discomfort is often a sign that old ways are no longer working and that new customs are called for.
I have been so uncomfortable this week as I've been feeling this awful internal longing. I want to change. I'm burning to be better--higher, more elevated. I want to be in a state of Grace and it seems that I'm in the before state--the pre-transformation place. It feels like junior high, except my hormones are pretty much under control.
One of my teachers called me out about how I'm not stepping up to the practices that bring forward the changes I want to adopt. She showed me that if I want to attract a higher caliber life, that I have to hold myself to more elevated standards, keeping my word to myself as well as to everyone else. She has me practicing impeccability and that is really hard for me. At heart, I'm a hippie and a bleeding heart liberal--qualities which I've been using as excuses for being too loose with my habits.
I love everyone, truly, and I've noticed that this has made me excuse the bad behavior of myself and others, leaping to forgiveness without accountability.
This is not helpful to anyone.
I'm adopting the practice of impeccability in order to transform everything--myself, my life, those around me, the world. It feels like a big deal to me, and it's terribly uncertain and unfamiliar. But as everything is interconnected, and as the way we do one thing is the way we do everything, the giant leap I take for myself becomes the small step I contribute to humanity. The inner pressure to transform is driving me out of my comfort zone and into who knows where.
I heard a rabbi tell a story on YouTube about how a lobster makes it's own transformation. When the lobster is growing, it's shell begins to feel too small and pressure builds up. So the lobster crawls under a rock, discards it's shell and then waits there, totally vulnerable and squishy--entirely at risk of being killed. But it can't stay in it's old shell. It can't go backwards and get smaller again. The lobster has to wait and put all it's energy into growing a new appropriately-sized shell.
This is how it is for us too. Sure, we can delay our growth with any number of behaviors, but it's always going to catch up with us. I'm taking on the new along with it's pressures as best I'm able, which right now feels pretty ungraceful. But this is it. Here I am. Like the lobster under the rock, I'm mushy as can be. Your mushy self, willing to face the pressure of growth, is welcome at SWERVE. Together we can transform everything.
Gillian Alexandria Clark
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