What was I thinking? In the week before I was to head off on a two week vacation I volunteered to write another devotion. I had a full to do list on my desk. I wasn’t sure how I would get all of it done before I left.
A request for more volunteers had come from the conference office. Before I knew it, my fingers were typing a response, “I would be willing to do another devotion.”
I was thinking they would need someone for mid-November or so. I would have plenty of time to finish up my work, head out on vacation, come back and get caught up, then write a lovely devotion.
Within minutes, a reply came to my inbox, and I read the due date. Next week! In the middle of my vacation. Oh my.
Ok. I can do this. What is the suggested scripture?
I clicked on the link for the scripture and immediately was faced with one of the most pitiful pleas imaginable. Psalm 102 started with a sort of disclaimer stating: A prayer of an afflicted person who has grown weak and pours out a lament before the Lord.
The psalter then writes:
1 Hear my prayer, Lord;
let my cry for help come to you.
2 Do not hide your face from me
when I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me;
when I call, answer me quickly.
3 For my days vanish like smoke;
my bones burn like glowing embers.
4 My heart is blighted and withered like grass;
I forget to eat my food.
5 In my distress I groan aloud
and am reduced to skin and bones.
6 I am like a desert owl,
like an owl among the ruins.
7 I lie awake; I have become
like a bird alone on a roof.
8 All day long my enemies taunt me;
those who rail against me use my name as a curse.
9 For I eat ashes as my food
and mingle my drink with tears
10 because of your great wrath,
for you have taken me up and thrown me aside.
11 My days are like the evening shadow;
I wither away like grass.
Well now. That is depressing. These are definitely the words of someone who is in great emotional pain. Not what I would expect in the Psalms. I am used to songs of praise, not this mess.
I tabled the devotion for the time being and got back to work. Occasionally through the rest of the week I would click on the email again. I read the other suggested scriptures, but nothing spoke to me. I kept re-reading Psalm 102. It wasn’t getting any happier.
Friday came, and I still hadn’t written anything. I finished up my work, went to dinner, and came home. Bedtime came, and I spent an hour lying in bed awake. I finally decided I wouldn’t be sleeping until I got up and delved more deeply into the assigned verses.
Yep. Still depressing.
Of course, we have all been in such a state. Just today, a caller to my office said, “You always sound so cheerful when I call.” Yes, I am a pretty happy person. But like anyone else I have days when I feel like the author of this Psalm.
I have had those days when I felt God has turned His face from me. My enemies are taunting me. I lie awake worrying about something that happened during the day or something I am facing tomorrow. Or I lie awake thinking about a devotion I need to write.
Ok, I will have to admit that there have been few times when “I forget to eat my food,” as stated in verse 4. Otherwise, I have felt much of what the psalter is describing in those first 11 verses.
But, thankfully, the Psalm doesn’t end there. It continues:
12 But you, Lord, sit enthroned forever;
your renown endures through all generations.
13 You will arise and have compassion on Zion,
for it is time to show favor to her;
the appointed time has come.
14 For her stones are dear to your servants;
her very dust moves them to pity.
15 The nations will fear the name of the Lord,
all the kings of the earth will revere your glory.
16 For the Lord will rebuild Zion
and appear in his glory.
17 He will respond to the prayer of the destitute;
he will not despise their plea.
Let’s read that last verse again.
17 He will respond to the prayer of the destitute;
he will not despise their plea.
God is faithful. He hears us when we are singing his praises AND when we are in the depths of despair. Sometimes it may feel as if the weight of the world is on our shoulders. But, our God is a God of compassion and understanding. He will respond to the prayer of the destitute.
His response may not be the one we are looking for. Our days are not all going to be magically happy and carefree. But, it is important for us to remember when we are feeling our lowest that He has not deserted us. He has not turned His face from us. God will always be there.